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healthcare proxy

My mother was in a nursing facility for rehab following a UTI. She has had severe emphysema for many years. The nursing facility started giving her valium. They told her it would relax her because she would get anxious when her breathing became difficult during therapy. My sister and I are her healthcare proxies. When we discovered they were giving her valium, we asked them not to because it would affect her breathing. We could tell the valium was affecting her as she would fall asleep in the middle of conversations and was usually very alert. We asked them for four days in a row to not give her valium and they said small doses were okay. A nurse then told us she was not getting valium (which we later found to be untrue). She developed a respiratory infection and we had to ask them to check for pneumonia. They did a chest xray and said she did not have pneumonia. We walked in a day later to find our mother unconscious and asked them to call an ambulance. They hospital said she did have pneumonia and that the valium caused shallow breathing so she was unable to expel CO2. Her CO2 level was 146 (normal is approx. 35).
I did file a complaint with the MA Dept of Public Health which came back undetermined. When questioned the nurses at the facility said that according to their handbook, valium was okay to give to her. They did not listen to our requests that she not be given this medication because my mother was of "sound mind" and the healthcare proxy was not invoked. I'm sure my mother did not give informed consent. She told me it was to relax her. They ended up giving this to her for ten days, at least twice a day until we had her taken to the hospital.
How are facilities allowed to do this to patients and against the families consent? It took two weeks to get the valium out of my mothers system. It is frustrating that this is all okay. I read that the doctor has to invoke the healthcare proxy. The doctor, we found out later, is allowed to run this facility with a suspended license on probation. Yet - there was no negligence found on their part. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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