My wife and I agreed to mediation for our divorce because about the only thing we now disagree on is how often I should get overnight visits with our kids (plus an ongoing discussion on child support). We have two daughters, one is 7 and one is 9. I'd obviously like to have the girls for more of the week and she feels it's important for them to maintain their home, even though my apartment where I now live is only 10 minutes away and in the same town. I'm concerned that if we go to mediation she will drag this out and not let me see the girls until I agree to her position on visitation, just so I can see the kids at all. Right now the only way I can see the kids is to try to schedule time on the weekend that works with her schedul. How would a mediator deal with this issue in a fair way?
Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 13:19
Mediation and visitation
As I've discussed in other posts, every mediator will have his or her own style and method for dealing with the participants and with the issues involved in the mediation. Accordingly, no two divorce meditations will be exactly the same. However, I think most mediators will agree that, in the absence of any underlying issues such as abuse, visitation with the father, including overnights, should be encouraged. Also, that visitation should not be delayed until after the mediation concludes. Such an arrangement not only deprives you of the opportunity to see your children on a predictable schedule, but also creates incentives for your wife to drag out the process in order to maintain the status quo.
Assuming you are both committed to mediation, the first step in resolving this issue is to find a divorce mediator that you are both comfortable with. Meet with the mediator and try to get a feel for how she will conduct the mediation. Mediators do not stay in business by favoring one participant over the other, but you must find that comfort level before committing. Once the mediation begins, if you and your wife cannot at least agree on a temporary arrangement that will allow you to see your children regularly, including overnight visits, then you may want to consider filing for divorce and moving the court for temporary orders, specifically an order related to visitation. Once the court hears both sides and orders a visitation schedule, you can return to mediation for any other outstanding issues, including visitation. Hope that helps.