Hello. My sister and I are at each other's throats over the care of our elderly parents. They suffer in different degrees from dementia and that has raised a number of issues ranging from whether they should continue to drive to whether they can continue to live in the house. It sounds insane that we can't work these things out but the issues are complex and sides change from issue to issue. My parents still have their own opinions on these things and, depending what the issue is, my sister and I are often pitted against each other or even ganging up on one or both parent. First, are there mediators who specialize in this type of situation and, if so, is mediation binding in Massachusetts? In other words, if we go through a mediation, how do we know we can implement the agreed upon plan? I don't want to end up in the same situation. Thank you for your time.
Submitted by Gwyneth on Thu, 02/09/2012 - 13:15
Mediation for elder issues
Yes. Using mediation to deal with elder issues of the sort you mention is a great idea. However, you need to understand that the beauty of mediation is that the process helps the parties reach common ground. It is completely voluntary and not usually binding. You will be able to find mediators in Massachusetts who have dealt with all of the painful and thorny issues you are currently working through. These folks are experienced and offer something that your well-intended family meetings simply do not have: an impartial set of ears to hear not only the issues, but the personal goals, wishes and fears that make those issues so difficult to handle. If you are able to get your parents and your sister in the same room with a mediator, whatever resolution you come up with will be a shared accomplishment and, therefore, more likely to be adhered to by all parties.
If the mediation is not successful, or if your parents ignore the result and act in a manner that endangers their health or their financial well-being, then you will either have to seek a guardianship or conservatorship (hopefully with the cooperation or your sister) or rely on planning documents such as healthcare proxies and powers of attorney. Good luck.