Understandably, judges want to protect victims of abuse, and the law allows a judge to issue an emergency restraining order without first having a hearing at which the alleged abuser is present.  So your wife was under no obligation to notify you of her request or of the time and date of the initial hearing. FYI, so you can honestly assess your chances of defending yourself, you should know that Massachusetts General Laws Chapter 209A, Section 1 includes the following in its definition of abuse: "placing another in fear of imminent serious physical harm."  Accordingly, depending on what you said and how you said it, yelling at your wife may satisfy the  definition.
 
As to your second question about representing yourself at the Ten Day Hearing, I will assume you are telling the truth about your innocence and will give you some good advice.  GET AN ATTORNEY.  Though they are important tools to protect victims of abuse, 209A restraining order are onerous things for those wrongly accused of abuse. Once served, you cannot not even go back into your house to get your clothes unless you have a police escort.  Further, even minor or unintentional violations of the restraining order can result in criminal charges, fines and/or prison time.  Also, it is not uncommon for those who lie to obtain a restraining order to also lie about whether that order has been violated.  The fun just goes on and on.
 
At this early stage, you should do everything you can to defend yourself, and an attorney with experience defending against 209A restraining orders will know how to fight the accusations.  You, I assume, do not. Good luck.