I got divorced three years ago and my ex wife is still bitter about it. I admit that my behavior leading up to the divorce was not top-notch, but I've always put my two kids first and done everything I could to make their lives easier and to help them adjust to the new situation. However, my wife who has physical custody seems to spend all her time talking trash about me to our two daughters. This is not only very painful for me, as much of what she says is false, but also harmful to the kids. I see them every weekend and often spend some of that time answering questions about what their mother said about me during the prior week. It's reached the point where I think I need to look into changing the custody arrangement. Is something like that possible under Massachusetts law? Would a court give me custody because of behavior? Thank you very much.
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The Editor, Mark Bernardin, is an attorney living in MA. Please send your suggestions or comments to: TheEditor@malawforum.com
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Alienation of children by custodial parent
Sorry to hear about your situation. When courts in Massachusetts decide issues related to children and divorce, such as custody, they attempt to discern what is in the best interest of the child. Unfortunately, some parents (men and women) are more interested in alienating children from their ex spouse and in using children as weapons in a war that they will not allow to end.
If the situation is as bad as you describe, you should contact a MA family law attorney and talk to her about obtaining a modification of the child custody arrangement. There certainly is precedent for that type of custody change based on attempts to alienate children from their parents. (I'm not aware of any published MA opinions, but there was a recent case in New York: Matter of Barrington v Barrington, 2011 NY Slip Op 07532 [88 AD3d 1171], October 27, 2011) As you can imagine, however, these situations are difficult to prove and to resolve, especially when the children are dragged into the battle. There may also be some options, short of asking the court for a custody change, to attempt to alter your ex-wife's behavior. If you had an attorney during the divorce, you might talk to her about what options she thinks might be most effective for convincing the mother of your kids to change her behavior.
I also just did Google search for alienation of children and found several useful sites that discuss the issue. You might consider doing a bit of reading to find some tips for helping your kids deal with the situation. Good luck.