Submitted by TrishG on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 07:34
Posted in
My father lives alone since our mom died three years ago. He's 91 and getting confused and I would say demented. He has some times when he is OK but other times he is bad and does things like sending checks for the wrong amount or to the wrong people when he tries to pay his bills. He has also mentioned some investment he is thinking about with a man my sister and I have never met and know nothing about. My sister and I try to help but he gets angry and tells us he can do it by himself. I want to do something about this but my sister will not back me up. What can I do? He does not have a power of attorney and will not execute one. (I asked.)
Editor's Response
You may want to consider a family mediation attorney. If your dad and sister are willing, you can all participate in an open and confidential discussion about your dad's finances and, with the help of the mediator, explain your concerns.
If your dad will not work with you, then you need to think about filing a Petition for Guardianship and/or Conservatorship. However, as I'm sure you understand, your dad will not be pleased with you when you start this process and your relationship will go directly down hill. I guess if I were in your shoes, I would have a long talk with your sister. She needs to step up to the plate and help you with this before your dad completely messes up his finances or falls victim to some scam-artist. If, after talking, the two of you believe he needs a guardian or conservator, then you need talk to him, together. With a united front, you may be able to convince him. If you cannot, but you believe you need to take action, at least you and your sister will be in the same boat and you will be able to support each other. Good luck.
Father needs a guardian?
I agree with the Editor's comments. In addition, bear in mind that for guardianship/conservatorship a physician's input can be very helpful, even required under some circumstances. Perhaps you could attend doctors' appointments with your father and make sure they are aware of your concerns about capacity.
Is there any chance that your father would execute a durable Power of Attorney giving some authority to you or your sister to "help" manage his finances and bill paying? This would be a very good step to take in any case to protect against future incapacity.
Another option you might consider is to hire a professional bill payer for your father. They collect bills, see to payment, and generate detailed reports for the person. This is a step that your father might find palatable (as opposed to turning control over to his children)and, although it would not solve all the problems, it would be a step in the right direction. For one thing, a third person/scam artist might move on to an easier victim if he or she believes that competent professional and/or family members are monitoring the situtation.
Another resort would be to file an elder abuse report to the appropriate authorities. They will investigate and this alone might put a chill on the scam artist's enthusiasm toward your father.
Best of luck.
Christine J. Benway
www.christinebenway.com
DISCLAIMER: This discussion is not intended as legal advice. If you seek legal advise, you should contact a competent attorney who will review all of the facts of your case and deliver appropriate legal advise under your circumstances.