Submitted by HMann on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 09:49
Posted in
My mom has been living at a facility in Massachusetts that offers both independent living and assisted living. Recently she has been showing signs of confusion and an inability to concentrate for long periods of time. But when I talk to her about moving to assisted living instead of living on her own she gets upset and says she does not want that. Unfortunately, I do not have a healthcare proxy for her so I don't know how I can get her to move to a situation where they can keep an eye on her more closely. How can I do it?
Moving parent to assisted living without permission
I'm sorry about your mom's condition. This is often a very difficult transition for elders and often requires the participation of a medical team: Doctor, nurses, social workers. The short answer is that the facility should not move your mom without her permission or the permission of a person who is legally entitled to make that decision. Currently, you have no legal authority to tell your mom or the facility what to do. Even if your mom had named you as her healthcare agent, before the facility could look to you for guidance, your mom's doctor would have to certify, in writing, that she is no longer able to make medical decisions. (And, in that case, you would likely need to consider a higher level of care, rather than assisted living.) It sounds like your mom has lucid periods and may be able to sign a healthcare proxy. If she is willing to do so, then you will be in a position to help her with all of her healthcare decisions, after the doctor makes a determination of incapacity.
If not, at some point in the future, you may have to attempt to get yourself named as guardian or conservator for you mother. In that case, you are facing a fairly complex legal process. As part of that process, a doctor will have to examine your mom and file a report with the court describing her condition and limitations in detail and certifying that the parent is incompetent and in need of a guardian or conservator. Your mom may choose to fight your appointment as guardian or conservator. Sorry I don't have better news. Your situation will, at least, highlight for others the importance of putting healthcare proxies in place for themselves and for any person that they may have to help in their old age. Also, in similar situations, some families have employed the services of third parties to help foster a discussion with an elderly parent, such as a mediator or a geriatric case manager. Good luck.